Saturday, April 11, 2009

Wouldn't it be great if life had a rewind button?

I stole this line from Debbie's post over at Suburb Sanity. I read this post and it really hit home with me so I thought I would share. It has to do with Mom's feeling like they are never good enough or not allowed to make mistakes. I think she wrote it beautifully and this is why it had such an impact on me.

Disclaimer: To any of my neighbors who read my blog, this had nothing to do with your kiddos, if they were here, they were innocent bystanders.

Have you ever lost it with your child in front of one of their friends? Well, I did and I've been stewing about it since. I felt bad about it because I really don't "lose" it with my kids very often and then to do it in front of their friends.. Where's that rewind button when you need it?

I'm pretty easy going but there are just some things that really push my buttons. Cruelty to other kids is one of them. I have absolutely no tolerance for it.
Well, we have a little boy in our neighborhood that really has a lot of issues.. He just doesn't fit in with the other kids and he can be kind of mean if provoked. He always wants to join in with the kids when they are playing and sadly none of them really want him around. I know it's a natural instinct but my mommy heart just breaks every time I see him being taunted or left out.

Well, yesterday there were several kids from the neighborhood over playing and this little boy came over. In the midst of chasing the puppy around I was trying to keep one eye on the situation. Almost immediately some of the kids started teasing him. I warned them to stop and then I noticed my younger son kind of grinning. I was so angry and dissapointed that not only did he not stand up for what was right, in a way he was joining in. I guess it's kind of natural to find someone who's different from you funny to an 8 yr old, even one who is usually kind and empathetic. It's all about learning and experience.

Anyway I took care of the situation and brought him into the house where I proceeded to "lose" it. I "talked" to him on maybe the wrong level and a little to "heated, for example asking him if he had any idea what kind of life and abuse this boy has endured and basically saying that he should be ashamed of himself for all he has, to make fun... etc... Looking back I partially took my anger out on him for what the other kids were doing. I noticed his eyes kept darting behind me, so when I finished my rant and turned around. There stood one of the boys friends with eyes as big as saucers.. which quickly looked away. He too, was guilty but probably shocked because he's never seen me angry.

So, if I could hit the rewind button I would have calmed down first, thought out my words, turned this event into a great learning experience for him and for me. Oh, and at least looked around before laying into him :)

Maybe sometimes we expect to much from our kids. We are, after all here to be their teachers in life. We shouldn't expect them to be perfect.

The bottom line is, we all make mistakes. There is no rewind button. Life goes on and we do the best we can. There is no such thing as a perfect Mom, Dad or person for that matter.

Hey, I could use the PPB excuse, right?

Is there a time in your life when you wish you could hit the rewind button??


Jenni Jiggety said...

I wish I could rewind allllll the time!

Lindsay said...

I too wish I could rewind sometimes too! Your a great Mom and all Mom's make a mistake. The great thing is that you are reflecting back on what happened and not just moving on with out thinking about how you could have done it differently.

Terra said...

Bonnie, Bonnie, Bonnie- first of all beautiful writing - I pictured the whole thing in my head right down to Alex's little face, second of all - shit happens. In the moment it was right and Alex will never forget it - I am CERTAIN that you talked to him again later and I know that we have ALL lost it at the wrong times and I know that we will all LIVE!

The Bailey Family said...

Oh goodness...if only life had a rewind button...I would probably use it everyday.

Becky said...

Some inappropriate behaviors deserve a heated response - such as being abusive to others.

Grams said...

We can't expect ourselves to be perfect either, Bonnie. It really is okay to get angry. If a child ran out in the street, I doubt you would be calm. Like Becky said, this was abusive teasing. Don't beat yourself up. You are a great mom. Alex has already moved on.

Debbie said...

Bonnie, this was beautifully written. I took me a couple of days to get over to read it because I took Easter weekend off from the computer.
We have all been there and wanted to rewind. And, I have felt that frustration you were describing more times than I want to admit. When I am embarrassed, I am harder on my kids. And, I finally figured that out and explained that to them. Doesn't keep me from losing my cool - but they know when they are triggering it.

Bonnie said...

Oh I can join you in this feeling.

Lastnight my kids went to my inlaws for a bit. It has been a trying time here with my Marc gone off to police college and me raising our four kids (6yrs to 5months with a 3 yr old set of twins in there) while he changes careers.

It has been no picnic and many many times I feel very guilty for how I can spread myself any thinner for the kids.

So lastnight when I picked up my kids my oldest says to me "Hey you didn't even yell at me today!"


In front of my inlaws....yeah..didn't feel too good.